I don't care I just want brownies

Ever since we went to a friends place for dinner and feasted on brownies for dessert I just can't get them off my mind. Late the next night I was stranded at home in sub zero temperatures and actually found myself googling NYC brownie delivery. You'd think if there's any city in the world that would have a late night brownie delivery service it's New York. No such luck. Some offered delivery in 2 working days?! Seriously when a sister wants a brownie or 20 she wants it now. 

The next day I went and got a Duncan Hines packet mix. I patiently waited the 30 mins they took to bake. I was devastated with the result. They tasted like a weird plastic flavoured cake. I had to throw out the whole batch. I did extensive research on which is the best brownie mix so as not to the make the same mistake.. Yes I could make them from scratch but that would take up more precious time. The reviews were actually quite extensive, descriptive and funny. Betty Crocker came up trumps, so today I went out and bought a couple varieties of Betty's brownies. This fail was completely my fault. Ten minutes into the baking process I saw the sachet of Hershey syrup I was meant to add to the mixture... They were cakey. UGH! I was on the verge of punching a whole in the wall. 

Never one to give up on my dreams, I made the other box of Betty's brownies the "Supreme Ultimate Fudge. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I never want to make brownies or associate with anyone eating a brownie ever again. I'm so disheartened and angry about all this. Yes I should have just found a bakery or made them from scratch but it's too late for "should haves".

This is probably a blessing in disguise. I don't want to gain too much weight this pregnancy. I thought I was doing really well last time but after I had Boston I realised that in fact I hadn't done so well. My belly was soo big that it made my bum look really small... but then once he was out my butt was far larger than I had anticipated. It was a perspective illusion! Anyway I've wasted soo many calories testing these brownies.. It will take me a while to get back on track. 

This is how I felt after the whole ordeal

xox

  

12 weeks

12 weeks is an eternity. Especially when you're in a state of paranoia. Wishing hoping praying that everything is as it should be. I was convinced I had number of pregnancy complications/conditions.. Had all the symptoms Wikipedia described. Thankfully Dr Google was wrong... This time. 

Checking the pregnancy app every day to find that yet again the baby is still the size of a kidney bean.. Not big enough! I thought having a toddler would make this period of time fly! It hasn't. Same worried,sick,delirious 12 weeks as the first time. 

I don't want to be mean by sharing this picture but I was really jealous when I saw this lady. I wanted to be pushed around, munching on a giant block of cheese and have a supply of Cheezits in the trunk during that period of time. I would have been as happy as a clam.  She's probably at Disneyland too, happiest place on earth just to escalate my jealousy. 

                                             

I struggled with smells again this time. I deliberately stopped using my perfume incase I developed a hatered. Cooking was out of the question. I stopped making Boston's omlette in the morning and tried poaching.. When that failed (picture below) I started making oatmeal again which we both enjoy. 

                                    

I was living in Vancouver during the worst weeks. Since I often feel bad about my cooking prowess.. I thought I'd pop on a boat over to Granville Island Markets and buy some yummy dinners. Bad move. I bought steak and lamb skewers covered in a potent marinade. Only then I realized my husband was on night shoots all week so the meat just sat in the fridge and made me ill everytime I had to

open it. I didn't have the heart to throw it out so I cooked it all with a tea towel tied around my head. I'd hoped cooking it would take the edge off the smell. It didn't, so it sat in the fridge again.. Killing me slowly. It was the lambs revenge. Being in a hotel didn't help. I told my BFF my tortuous tale and she couldn't understand why I wasn't just getting room service every night. So from then on.. I did and it was wonderful. My husband kindly paid the bill on checkout and never mentioned how enormous it was. We lived there for 1 month. 

Thankfully now I'm in a much better state. I no longer get to tear point about having to unload the dishwasher and sort the cutlery. It's a roller coaster. I wish I was cooler but I'm not. I was really mean during early pregnancy last time. I was a lot nicer this time. I still have my friends and haven't hit anyone with anything so that's a positive. 

Here's to a happy healthy pregnancy round two!!  Please! 🙏 

One Year of Motherhood - Part One

Boston has survived a whole year of us being his parents. He's survived my cooking so far... We barely survived my cooking before he came along so I had to pick up my game. I make risotto now so it's getting quite advanced. Seriously, I have never understood people when they say cooking relaxes them.. it's the most stressful part of my day.. burning things trying to selvage them takes up a lot of energy. I've had to buy a whole new set of pots and pans as a result of my kitchen nightmares! Anyway back on track. I feel very accomplished having a one year old who seems to be thriving very well. He's happy, which makes me happy! He loves pigs,cars and Mickey Mouse. A strange array of loves. 

I bought him some new clothes recently and I got the same kick as when I buy myself clothes but I didn't have to experience the discouragement and inconvenience of trying anything on. I was worried boys clothes wouldn't be fun to shop for but they are awesome! Every now and then I jealously glance over at the girls section and see some ridiculously adorable things... one day. 

I survived his first vomit. It was his gift to me on my birthday. We were out to dinner and it happened during the only 2 minutes I was alone with him all day. My husband went to get him some yoghurt from the convenience store because he was acting unusually fussy. I decided to take him outside for some fresh air. As soon as I stepped foot outside he barfed all over the footpath and down my arm.. I remained calm and maintained my grip. I'd been dreading this day since he was born. This was no "baby" vomit. It was human. I didn't eat anything for the next two days in fear I would contract the virus. It was only a one off and I still love him. 

He hasn't reached the stage where he's destroying things just yet. (Apart from numerous gauges to my face) Although he got milk all over my ipad .. it must have seeped into the cover so now every time I open it, it smells like one of those stinky people who don't dry their clothes properly. It's quite gross. I also caught him hiding play-doh in one of my UGG boots which would have been disastrous/annoying. Whenever I'm missing things they're always in the bath or bin. I was dreading the day he learned to open the toilet seat, it happened and thankfully nothing of value went in accept his HANDS. These shallow toilets in America are awful! 

There have been moments of extreme tiredness throughout the year. This is usually my own fault.. Candy Crushing until the early hours has been an issue. When we got stuck on a level I unfortunately downloaded Pet Rescue. So now there's two late night gaming vices. (Not to be a bragasaurus but we're up to level 259). Boston goes to bed at 7pm so I have no excuses. I wish I could go to bed early but it's just not me. When he wakes up at 6:30am I always regret not having gone to bed earlier but oh well. We're Watching Friday Night Lights at the moment too (I know 10 years late) which has compounded the problem. We end up watching 2 hours of it a night. I love Riggins. Paige is all about Serasen but no.. It's Riggins all the way. 

I'm starting "I Quit Sugar" an 8 week sugar free regime. I'm in utter shock that I'm doing this as sugar is one of the top 5 things I live for. It's been an every meal thing forever. I even have dessert after lunch. Breakfast usually IS a dessert of sorts. So this along with a lack of sleep could be lethal. I'm pushing through though because I have stopped breast feeding which has been my diet and exercise for the past year. I've eaten anything and everything... but now since I'm not getting rid of those extra milk calories I've noticed an unwelcome change. I find myself buying croissants "For Boston" and....then we "share" it.. and by share you can guess what happens.. this sort of behaviour is not on. I don't anticipate I'll last long but it's worth trying.. It's actually my second attempt at it.

Word wise at 12 months he was sticking to D words. Dog, Dad and Duck. He could also moo & quack and make various other animal sounds. We're Game of Thrones fans and we taught him to ROAR when we ask "What does Khaleesi's dragon say?" soo advanced. My Mum follows a little asian baby on Instagram and jokingly told me he's the same age as Boston and can say "Rocket". Well let's be honest.. I'm not about to try and compete with that.. Asians are inherently intelligent.. they are born with high IQ's and awesome hair.

Walking happened at 15 months. I'm very late in posting this as he's actually 16months now!  I thought once he started cruising around the furniture at 7 months he'd just take off from there but no. He was getting around A LOT faster crawling so that was his favourite mode. I'm stoked that he's walking now because his hands won't get so gross. 

I'm writing this post in two parts so you don't get too bored with my ramblings.. well done if you made it this far! Will post part 2 tomorrow! Here's some pics. 

Day One

 Here is an example of one of my kitchen nightmares. I was making stew which rapidly turned into a stir-fry. I went out for a walk while it "simmered" ;(

Six months with Dad, Nanny & Aunty Paige 

                                   

My Valentine 8 Months

12 Months

He went though a scrunchy face smile phase

Boston's first birthday party.

In Croatia!

In Scotland at Stirling Castle with Aunty Paige

15 months

Helmsley Castle on my fateful birthday weekend

xox

Dubrovnik Croatia

In August we travelled to Dubrovnik Croatia. It's one of those places I never thought I would go but after seeing some beautiful pictures as I scrolled through Pinterest I was convinced that this should be our next destination! (proof you should continue to while away your hours on Pinterest as it could direct the course of your life!)

Dubrovnik is wonderful place to visit. It's an awesome ancient city to explore and offers the most beautiful clear waters in the world. Travelling here with my one year old was no problems at all. The city is pretty stroller friendly although there are a lot of stairs.  It's important you walk the city walls to capture the beautiful views of the city and it's surrounds. You won't want to take your stroller but you can leave it at the bottom where you buy the tickets and either carry bub or use a carrier. It's best to do the walk early in the morning or at dusk as during the day in Summer it's probably too hot to have a baby out in the heat. We tried to go early but by 10am it's already pretty hot! It takes an hour so pace yourself! There are little rest stops and places you can buy fresh orange juice and water along the way in the event you need a break! I'm making it sound like it's Everest... It's not.

I've become a lover of pebble beaches! Growing up in Australia we're told we have the most beautiful beaches in the world which I still believe we do BUT if you have issues with sand getting into every nook then you should seek out the pebble beaches of Europe! Yes you may look like an 80 year old as your hobble down to the waters edge with a grimaced face but with water so clear and beautiful you will quickly forget the pain you experienced to get there. As the days went on out feet got tougher and we were running to the sea like Pamela Anderson.

We stayed at the Valamar President Dubrovnik hotel which was stunning. It has it's own private beach which was perfect. It's about a 15 minute bus ride into Old Town and the bus stop is right outside the hotel. We took a day trip from Old town to Lokrum Island. I recommend this highly as it's a quick ferry trip and the island is full of Peacocks which my son loved. You can rent bikes (we didn't) to explore the island fully. We just walked to the other side and swam in a beautful water hole that had a cool little cave then walked over to the sea and swam there too and sun bathed on the rocks then took in some shade in the park. Really worth a visit. 

Dubrovnik is somewhere I would definitely revisit. That's saying a lot because I usually like to explore new places! Croatia is a beautiful country filled with beautiful people. Thank you! 

Honestly

To be perfectly Honest whenever I heard Jessica Alba uttered I always mentally rolled my eyes because my husband has a crush on her. I know I'm not alone. I'm sure 100% of husbands have a crush on Jessica Alba. This was until I discovered Honest. I can't deny that this woman is utterly gorgeous BUT more importantly she's brilliant. She has created an inspirational & aspirational range of products that can " help us create a safe, non-toxic, and beautiful home one small step at a time — no major lifestyle overhaul required!" Sounds good.

I've always had aspirations of living naturally. The idea of using harsh chemicals to clean surfaces that kids eats off doesn't sit well. I hate breathing in products that make me feel like I should be wearing a gas mask and bio hazard gear. I find I'm always torn when it comes to natural products though. I tend to go for products that "Kill 99.9% of household germs" and "Hospital Grade germ defence" I'm a hybrid person desperately wanting to be a hippy but terrified of germs and un-cleanliness. With the Honest range maybe I can be both! I haven't tried anything yet because they only ship to the U.S and Canada. I'm looking forward to being back in the States and checking it all out. The range is huge!

Honestly how cute are these. 

The Honestly blog is full of organic recipes, DIY beauty + wellness tips and expert environmental health advice. I'm scared of directing you to this blog because you might never read mine again. But I'm trying to be an eco-warrior, so in planet earths interests here it is ...

http://blog.honest.com/#

Curbing my germophobia

When Boston started crawling I decided I'd better clean the floor. We were living in a vacation rental in LA at the time. I got some spray and wipe and paper towel and to my disgust the paper towel was completely black after just a few swipes of the floor. Unfortunately my disgust did not overpower how overwhelmed I felt at the thought of how thoroughly and how often I would need to clean the floors. My paranoid self was thinking of all the potential germs the black stuff on the paper towel was harbouring.. There was bound to be dog poo particles and who knows what else. Germs that could potentially cause serious illness. I thought about how exhausted I would be if I cared too much about germs and about how I don't want to pass on my phobias and paranoid parrot behaviours onto my son. I would also be a total killjoy of a mother if I did not allow him to explore the world around him uninhibited by me worrying about germs. So I made a decision which I have been trying to stick to ever since.. Let it be.. Germs will set me free. 

This change of heart will be a journey for me as I have little tolerance for germs and people harbouring them. I still wince when anyone coughs in my direction.. I got a pedicure the other day and the technician was coughing and spluttering all over my feet.. I breathed calmly and thanked the heavens I wasn't having a manicure! Ugh! 

I want to be more compassionate and caring towards to sick people and resist my urge to rocket launch out of there atmosphere. 

I breezed through an incident the other day where I'd swept the kitchen floor and while I looked for the dust pan.. Boston had grabbed a handful of my dust and food particles pile and put it in his mouth. I calmly fished out the debris and moved on with life. 

Ok.. This post has been in my drafts for a while now and I've slowly added to it. I'm currently disastrously ill and my care free attitude towards germs has diminished. I HATE being sick.. I had the flu and now a cold.. It's just the pits and I will continue to vehemently avoid illness at all costs .. Even if I do seem crazy. So I guess I've gone fill circle.. I'm back to where I started because I'm in the thick of feeling terrible as a direct result of contracting the rhinovirus. I'm disgusted with myself.. I'd hate to be sitting next to me on a plane. I'm coughing, sneezing and generally just a snot head. I went to Paris this weekend and it was beautiful BUT I couldn't taste a thing.. I ate about 6 macaroons and countless croissants hoping my taste buds would reactivate but they didn't. The moral to the story is, wash your hands always. I guess being this sick has helped me to be a bit more understanding and compassionate towards other people when they're sick. It's just a fact of life but a very unwelcome one! 

Terrifying 

Why you no like food?

- Julia Childs

 I've been force feeding my son unsuccessfully for the past 3 months. It's been quite an effort.. My sister in law warned me not to go to great lengths preparing baby food. She once spent a great deal of time crafting salmon cakes for her daughter.. the cakes were dramatically swiped off the high chair tray onto the floor. Devastating. So I proceeded with caution. However I did foolishly splash out on a Beaba baby food making appliance. Which I haven't and will never get to use. I've discovered that Boss has a serious aversion to the pureed texture... That would have been good to know before I bought this pureeing appliance. My bad.. I guess I wrongly assumed all babies eat baby food.

There's been a break though recently...My husband put his food on a cookie and Boston was forced to eat it off before getting to the good stuff. Like mother like son.. I always surrender to cookies and would eat through almost anything to get to one. 

On the paediatricians recommendation I started introducing solids at 4.5-5 months. Boston was very offended and simply clamped his mouth shut after barely tasting what I offered (rice cereal with breast milk)... I persisted and started feeding him all sorts of yummy things. Not interested. I didn't stress out as he's quite fat and I knew he wasn't going to starve to death.

SLOWLY he's starting to take interest. Still doesn't swallow much of anything but at least tastes it. I'm really confused by him today because I cut up some watermelon and strawberries which he refused.. then about 30 mins later I found him chewing on a wipe I failed to throw out. Don't worry.. it was just wee... but still must have tasted foul. He eats carpet, chews on shoes and dangerously loves sucking on plastic bags. Food tastes much better than all of those things! My standards have dropped quite dramatically. I went from only wanting to feed him home made organic food to feeding him WHATEVER he takes interest in. He's tasted pizza, cookies, macaroons, Starbucks pumpkin bread.. the list goes on. Don't judge me. The paediatrician says he can eat all our food now.. so I think I need to work on my "All I eat is mexican food" diet and start bringing some veges into the equation. Tonight I'm making lasagne, the first meal I've made in a while.. if it goes badly I will feel discouraged and probably won't cook again for 6 months. So for my sons sake lets hope it's a success! 

FOOD TO FEED A BABY THAT DOESN'T LIKE FOOD

-Smoothies made with baby yoghurt, coconut milk, banana and berries.

-BAMBA - An Israeli peanut snack. (They have discovered children in Israel don't have peanut allergies as a result on the early introduction of "Bamba") I found it at a Kosher supermarket. 

Toast with Vegemite. Like a true Australian he loves Vegemite.

Oranges